What Are We?

I just cut the cord. We sent the cable boxes back, hooked up an internet streamer, and installed a bunch of free channels. We save almost $100 a month. Admittedly, there's a bunch we can't watch. It's hard to find a baseball game. But, there's a lot I wasn't even aware of.

Among these are science shows, and one of these posed a question that is really sticking with me. What is consciousness? What is it that makes me, me? How do you explain the feeling that I'm in charge, and not just reacting to stimuli? How do you define, or describe, an inner life?

For most religions, it's easy. You simply separate the physical from the spiritual. The spirit, the soul, is where all the "me-ness" is. It's harder for science, because you can't find anything to grasp, or measure.

I know why this is on my mind so much. My dad died a little over a year ago. Where is he? Is he gone forever? Is he in heaven, or that other place, or some undefined afterlife? What happens when we die? What happens to "me"? What has happened to all the "me"'s who have ever lived?

There's also my own age. I'm 63. So many really famous and talented people passed away well before that age. I might live for another 30 or 40 years. I might be gone by the time you read this. Where will I be? Will I be?

I don't know. There are no answers, only questions. I guess I have to be OK with that.